Also DERP relays having QOS that isn't controlled by myself and I have to hope to get bandwidth through doesn't exactly make me confident about the solution
Sure, but your data is only getting relayed through DERP servers if it cant otherwise establish a direct p2p connection. This can usually be resolved at either side of the connection - if you know about it (which is what the parent was suggesting could be made more clear).
As for your bandwidth concerns in the case of needing to relay, you can even set up your own relay (https://tailscale.com/kb/1118/custom-derp-servers), which would satisfy your desire to be more centralised (i guess you could force all traffic through it, but cant think why you would want to) while still allowing the flexibility of the overlay that tailscale provides.
I never said I had a desire to be more centralised. I just said that static IPs and open ports remove the necessity for hole punching/STUN. You can have multiple sites without a central and all use static IPs and open ports.
